The Webster dictionary defines love as, “A strong affection for another arising out of kinships or personal ties.” As a woman in my early twenties I have been trying to figure out why do you hurt the people you love the most? Maybe there could possibly be an emotional issue deep down that the person has not been able to deal with. I am passionate about trying to find an answer to this question to help ease my mind on my own personal feelings. I thought that I was the only one who felt this way, but after evaluating friends and even my own family’s relationships, a lot of them have been hurt by the ones who love them as well.

            In my opinion a child’s love is on that will never fade. When I was twelve years old my mother decided she was “tired” of being a parent and decided that she just did not want to have parental duties. How could the one person who gave me life just decide they were tired? At the time I couldn’t figure out why but as I got older I started thinking about things I knew about my mother’s childhood. When my mom was twelve, her father was killed in the Vietnam War. Her heart was broken, he was her world. I don’t know if the age of twelve was ironic or if it was just at the point in my mom’s life, I still do not know to this day, and maybe never will.

            My best friend Chelsea got pregnant when we were seniors in high school. Chelsea managed to finish high school and she even started college. One day the father of her child decided that he wanted more out of life then being in a relationship so he cut off all ties, leaving Chelsea to be a single mom. Chelsea did her best to raise her daughter in a respectable way for the first few months after the break up, but soon it became too much for her and she too gave up. Chelsea was apparently blind sided by the person she cared for the most leaving her and she wasn’t even realizing that she was hurting the one person that would love her forever.

            After an abrupt ending to a six year relationship I have once again been searching for the answers to my question. Ryan and I had the perfect relationship and we even started to plan our future together. Like all couples we argued, but I felt that was normal. In August of 2006 I found out that I was pregnant. I was consumed with so many different emotions. I was happy, sad, and scared all at the same time. I couldn’t wait for the moment to tell Ryan. Needless to say his reaction wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. He got angry with me, as if it were solely my fault. That is when he dropped the bomb. He had been unhappy for a very long time and needed a way out, recently he had turned a friendship with a close friend of ours into more, and he decided that it was the path he wanted to take. I now found myself pregnant and alone.

            I often refer to a quote from the movie Good Will Hunting when I am down about what has happened to me over the past few years. “The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren’t paying attention to.”

What Do I believe in?

Part I

As a way of exploring your personal beliefs, take a few minutes to think about what you believe. Then finish the following statements:

1. I believe that people are placed in your life for certain reasons that you figure out along the way.
2. I believe that society is judgemental.
3. I believe that government has it’s priorities confused.
4. I believe that justice is unfair.
5. I believe that knowledge is power.
6. I believe that science saves lives.
7. I believe that reality is your past, present, and your future.
8. I believe that life is what you make it.
9. I believe that happiness can be found within.
10. I believe that goodness can be found in all people.
11. I believe that death is the beginning of a whole new life.
12. I believe that God is everywhere.

Part II 

I believe that life is what you make it.

            In my twenty one years of life I have been dealt some unfair cards. I was abandoned by my mom at the age of twelve because she “didn’t feel like being a parent anymore.” I was sent to live with my dad, and my grandmother, who happened to be dying of cancer. Some would say I got mixed into the wrong crowd in high school even though in the social circle that I ran with we were the “in-crowd”. I was always the party girl who cared more about her social life, rather then my studies, but for me it was just a temporary escape from reality. I got mixed up with alcohol and a boy who I thought loved me.  Finally graduation came and went and I decided to remain home to continue my relationship with my boyfriend of almost four years. Things went downhill in the relationship and adding a child into the mix was just another reason for him to bail. I was nineteen years old and lost. One day I had an epiphany, no longer was I going to sit around living my life for other people. This is my life and I was going to be the one to change it. I am currently enrolled in classes and my major is now human services. My goal is to work with women and children who have been in abusive relationships. I have finally realized that my life is in my hands and I can do with it whatever I want, I have no limitations.

Part III

 Some people may disagree with me. I know that while the cards that I had been dealt were unfair that there are people everywhere going through more traumatizing experiences. Hopefully one day they too will wake up and realize that life is what you make it, nobody can live your life for you.

Weblog 4: Fish vs. Brooke

In an essay titled “Devoid of Content” Stanley Fish describes how he believes students who recieve there diplomas often do not know how to create a complete sentence. He blames the teachers in the matter, he believes that teacher are more concerned with content rather than form. He assigns his students an assignment of the beginning of the semester to help prove his point. His assignment is to decode a language that the students in the group have made up themselves.

In an essay called “Fish in a Barrel” Mr. Collin Brooke is outraged by Mr. Fish’s claim that students do not know how to write a complete sentence. He also believes its outrageous and rude that Fish could insult all other teachers when saying they are not teaching Form and Content in there classes. Mr. Brooke states that he would indeed enjoy the assignment that Professor Fish provides but believes that writing is taught through both form and content, and not just the form of the sentence.

I have to agree with Mr. Brooke, what would writing be if it just focused on form only… BORING. Atleast in my opinion, when I read, its for enjoyment, and if there is no content, there would be nothing for me to enjoy.

Why I go to school..

I go to school to better myself. I go to school so that one day I can obtain a good job and provide for my family. I go to school to gain knowledge about things I do not know. I go to school to meet new people. I go to school to further my education. I go to school to become a teacher. I go to school to make things better for Lexi. I go to school to set an example for Lexi. I go to school because without it life would be very dull. I am proud to go school, it is something I enjoy.

 

Why are we here?

Making a transistion into a four year university is going to be challenging coming from a community college. In community colleges do you know that you can basically schedule your own classes, but when it comes to a four year university you have a pre-structured list of course requirements which includes electives?! I am studying to be a teacher, and at TCC I could atleast pick my electives and where I wanted to take them throught my two years here, but next year when I transfer I will have to follow a structure that designates all my courses and when they have to be taken. I do not think this is fair. What happens if I want to take a class that I feel will better my education but is not included in the course offerings? I feel that colleges around the country need to take a look at the criteria for there majors and let students have a choice in some of there studies, after all it is there education and not the members of the board for that particular university.

 

Reflection 2

In High School I enjoyed going to school for only two reasons. The social aspect, and English Class. I have always enjoyed English and just this year have declared it as my major. While I enjoy the reading part of English my favorite part of the subject is writing. It is one thing that I can actually do for myself. Writing for me is an escape, it lets me clear my thoughts and after a daily entry into my journal I feel as if I am refreshed. I decided to declare my major as an English Major because I hope to inspire my future students to learn to enjoy writing. I hope to one day learn to how to write poetry. One of my favorite poets is Nikki Giovanni, her writings are inspirational to me, and I hope to one day be at the level of writing poetry as she is.

 

 

Weblog 3

Each year the National Book Foundation gives out an award for authors who have “distinguished contribution” in today’s writings. The decision to give Steven King this award has undoubtedly disturbed author Harold Bloom. Bloom claims when people read novels by Stephen King they are “dumbing down” there cultural life. Bloom believes that novelists such as Saul Bellow, Philip Roth and Arthur Miller are more suitable recipients for the award. Bloom also goes on to say that readers who read Harry Potter books are trained to read Stephen King, and that J.K. Rowling’s writings are also “dumbing down” the American culture.

            Steve Almond is another writer who read Bloom’s ranting article on Stephen King being the recipient of this years National Book Foundation award. Almond does not entirely agree with Bloom in all aspects, but he feels that it is up to the writers discretion on what he would like to write about. Almond feels that instead of Bloom ranting about King he could be praising other writers such as Bellow, DeLillo, Pynchon, and Roth. Almond respects Bloom and even quotes him as,” A brilliant mind”, but he feels as if praise should be awarded to other writers instead of being critical.

            I would have to agree with Almond. Even though Stephen King and J.K. Rowling are not two of my favorite authors, I do not think that criticism should be thrown there way, or that there writing is “dumbing down” our culture. I know many people who read those two authors for time on end for a source of entertainment. One of my favorite authors happens to be Nicholas Sparks, and I am sure there are many people who dislike his style of writing, but do not see the need to criticize him. I  think that praise should be awarded to the writers that deserve it and that the criticism should be left to the critics.

Reflection 1

When I was younger I never really enjoyed writing.  I remember having to write journal entries each and every day for most of my high school career. My teacher would collect the student’s journals and critique them on a weekly basis. This I did not understand. If it is a free write, should teachers really critique our writing skills? It wasn’t until later on in life that I enjoyed writing, and I found writing very helpful in everyday life. I used writing for many different things, but what I use writing for the most, is to get my feelings out. I find it easier to communicate with people while writing. When my boyfriend and I are fighting I often find it best to write him a note expressing my feelings about the situation we are in instead of screaming and crying with him. It seems to resolves things in a more peaceful and calmer way. When I am having a hard day I also find it a stress relief to just sit down and write about things that have been bothering me in the previous day or even the previous week. Letting my feelings out on paper helps me mentally deal with things that I may have been holding in inside. I keep a journal but I do not write in it every day. I have been writing in it a lot lately. With my friend being diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago I have found my journal to be my saving grace. In my journal I can write about my opinions, my fears and I can write about the emotions I’m feeling. I try to keep a strong front for my friend because she needs someone to be brave while she is battling the disease. I turn to my journal to release my true feelings.  I am glad that my feelings for writing have changed, I thoroughly enjoy it.

Time Indefinite

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          Starting a new school in the eighth grade is not easy, especially when the new school you are starting is the rival to your old school. I was so nervous on how this was going to pan out. I was the popular girl at my old school, what if I had no friends at my new school? So many thoughts were swimming through my head. Walking into the double doors that first morning I was so nervous, as I walked into my first block class I took a seat in the front, right beside a girl with long brown hair, she immediately started talking to me and the nerves started to subside. This might not be so bad after all, I thought.

          Krystal and I became immediate friends, spending all of our time together, inside of school and out. During the second semester of my 8^th grade year I was given the choice to transfer back to my old school, even though I had made a group of friends, Churchland was my home, I wanted to move on to high school with the kids I had grown up with, so I decided to make the change back. Even though I decided to make the move back to Churchland, me and Krystal’s friendship did not change. We made it through high school together and having a best friend at a rival school was really exciting. After graduation Krystal decided to make a choice to join the Navy, I was surprised when she informed me of her decision. She said she felt that she had a lot of growing up to do and thought that this would help benefit her in the long run. When I heard I had to spend almost six months apart from her while she went to A-school and boot camp I was crushed. What was I going to do without my best friend for the summer before I started college and all of our other friends left?          The summer seemed to fly by and Krystal and I kept in touch through letters and sometimes through telephone calls. It’s been two years since Krystal has joined the Navy and I personally think it’s the best decision she has ever made. Krystal got stationed here in Norfolk and started working for a carrier group. That is where she met her husband, John. Five months ago Krystal gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, my godson, Jacob. She was in labor for thirteen hours and had a very complicated pregnancy, all thirteen hours of her labor I was sitting there by her side anticipating the birth of her son.           Two weeks ago Krystal went to the doctor, for her usual check up. This was supposed to just be a routine appointment but what the doctor saw, he did not like. Krystal received the phone call later that she has stage two cervical cancer. I was there the day the phone call came in, the expression on her face was like none I have never seen before, it looked as if all the happiness and joy had been sucked out of her. Her husband is currently deployed until August on the Truman, and while he is gone I am helping her out in as many ways as I can. Krystal is a strong girl and I know she will beat this. It breaks my heart that a twenty year old girl would have to face something like this, just after she had gotten her life straightened out. If anyone can beat this horrible disease it will be her, she is a fighter and does not like to take no for an answer. I have been her best friend for almost seven years now and nothing will change the way I feel about her, we will get through this together. 

           

Weblog 1

I have always been told that what happens in your life shapes who you are. I never really understood that phrase until I was older. In my 20 years I have had a lot of obstacles that I have had to endure. My parents are wonderful, but it is my grandmother who has truly stepped up to the plate to raise me. My parents’ marriage of seventeen years ended, and at the same time my grandmother was diagnosed with stage four breast and liver cancer, and was given approximately six months to live. After my parents divorce I went to live with my father, and over the course of the next year he started dating again. It wasn’t long before he was remarried, and I had another adjustment to make in my life, a twenty five year old step mother and a new step brother. Up until the divorce my mother and I were always close, but for some reason after the divorce our relationship became stranded, and it would be weeks before I would talk to her again.

     High school was my outlet. Luckily, I had amazing friends who would never turn there back on me, even if I felt the whole world had. I graduated from Churchland High School in 2005 and then attended Tidewater Community College. I am in my last semester here at TCC and am planning on transferring to Virginia Tech University this summer. My grandmother is still living today, even though she receives high dose chemo every three weeks. My mom and I have started to mend our relationship, I don’t know if we will ever be as close as we once were, but I remember that she is my mother and she gave me the best gift possible, life. I have adjusted to having such a younger woman as my step mother, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, she is truly an amazing person. With the struggles I have had in my life thus far, I feel like it has helped mold me into the person I am today, these are the pieces of me.